


don't let me be gone

by gearyoak



Series: cryptage tumblr prompts [3]
Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred, i guess??? in a way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 13:28:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21300203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gearyoak/pseuds/gearyoak
Summary: And it was still easy, even after that first time. For all of his showboating and the need to be center of attention, Elliott was good at casual. Now, Crypto didn’t know if that was a good thing or if it was bad. Falling into their routine had been so simple he barely noticed they’d made one. Having someone to talk to - or, rather, be talked at, was something Crypto hadn’t realized he was missing. Then there was the intimacy, the new warm and solid presence in his bed, a body leaning against his side, the sound of surprised laughter at Crypto’s dry remarks, the intense back and forth, the rasp of a beard when Crypto drug them away so he could wipe away a cocky smirk by covering it with one of his own -It was easy. But then Elliott had to go be an idiot and ruin everything by saying, “I love you,” and Crypto just had to make it worse by wanting to say it back.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt
Series: cryptage tumblr prompts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522958
Comments: 12
Kudos: 109





	don't let me be gone

**Author's Note:**

> prompt on tumblr was: "Idk if you're still taking prompts for Crypto/Mirage, but maybe Mirage notices Crypto is being very depressed (due to Crypto remembering his past) and and Mirage tries to find ways to comfort him. I'm not the best at coming up with prompts, but I'm sure you can come up with something great!!"
> 
> now listen i had about seven different versions of this and i lost all but ONE of them, which was my least favorite, but i've spent too long on it and I would feel bad if this took any longer. and honestly, i took this prompt for a fuckin walk, like it's a stretch. i kept the hurt comfort aspect, but as i was writing i realized that MAN this rlly has nothing to do with what anon sent. i feel TERRIBLE lmao
> 
> this one is more from the perspective of crypto, which i've never done before and probably won't again. after this i think i've drawn the conclusion of being able to write mirage a bit better, so i'll stick to what i know 
> 
> title is from twenty one pilot's goner (not hozier, but still a song - take two steps forward take three steps back)

“I’m telling you, that’s not right.”

“What do you mean it isn’t - that’s how we’ve  _ always  _ played it!”

“If that’s how we’ve always played it then we’ve been playing a different game!”

Elliott set down his hand, faces down, so he could groan dramatically into his palms. “It’s  _ house _ rules, we’ve never not played aces high, just like how we don’t allow sets.”

Across from him, his decoy scoffed. “Yeah, but we agreed on no sets. I don’t remember agreeing on aces high.”

Crypto was sat at his desk, mostly slouched over with his elbow planted on the surface to prop his head up in his hand. The monitors flashed through numbers and windows, keeping him updated on the progress of a system cleaning. For as long as he had been there, there had never been a bug or an issue worth enough to report on, but he still ran the sweep anyway. He learned more from the speed of which they were completed, which is why he knew how long Elliott and his decoy were arguing. He’d been watching the clock. 

They were nearing seven minutes now. Their card game had only been going on for eleven.

Crypto didn’t mind, if he were being completely honest. He used to listen to music or documentaries he found at random while he worked before. At some point, he must have made the fluid transition from that to Elliott’s company. He had a talent for talking when no one else would, filling silences with tales from bartending or just random thoughts -  _ do you think Bloodhound’s room is a safety hazard? That’s a lot of candles. Not that I’m gonna be the one to tell them to tone it down, I just wanna be ready -  _ or even going back and forth with one of his decoys. 

It was calming, and gave Crypto something to listen to whenever he found himself pausing every so often rather than getting lost in thought. Sometimes, he still learned something random like he used to when he watched the documentaries. Bars, Crypto learned, were very colorful and unpredictable places.

“We agreed on aces high.”

“No, we didn’t. I would remember that, I’m programmed to remember.”

“Then you’re bugging out.”

A scandalized gasp. “You take that  _ back _ !” 

“Then admit that I’m right!”

“You’re not, though!” 

“How is it,” Crypto started before Elliott could snap back at his hologram, “that you even have a hard time getting along with yourself?”

The real Elliott sputtered out a few starts to sentences while the other Elliott made an annoyed noise. “Don’t say that,” it requested. “That would imply that we’re the same person, and I don’t think I want to be associated with  _ him _ right now.” 

Elliott recovered from his sputtering to glare at the decoy. “We’re not the same person, I’m smarter than you -  _ I made you.” _

_ “ _ That’s it,” it snapped, slamming its own cards down on Crypto’s bed. “I’m outta here.”

“Fine,” Elliott seethed just as it fizzled away in a pop of lights. “He’ll get over it,” he told Crypto as he reached over to collect the decoy’s hand.

Crypto said nothing, as he wasn’t worried in the first place. He wasn’t looking at his computer anymore, either, having spun around in his chair just enough to watch the rest of the argument unfold.The scan might have finished, but he was busy now, head pillowed on his arms and watching how Elliott’s brow furrowed at the decoy’s cards.

“He was cheating, he  _ had _ to be,” Elliott muttered to himself. He flipped over the deck in the middle and fanned out the cards across the bed, looking over both hands and the pile. After glancing back and forth a few times, his eyes narrowed. “How is he better than me at cheating?”

“Your holograms know how to cheat.”

Elliott looked up at Crypto’s not-question, seeming really proud. “Yeah, of course. Does  _ Holographic Trickster _ mean nothing to you? Hey,” he gathered all the cards up and, with deft fingers, shuffled them several times before spreading them. He held them out to Crypto with a lazy grin. “Pick one.”

With a heaving, deep sigh, Crypto picked his head up, straightened his back, and said, “No.” Then, he turned back around to face his computer.

Behind him was the sound of the cot squeaking as Elliott thumped down on it with a theatrical whine. “Aw, come  _ on!” _

“I know all your tricks,” Crypto reminded him.

“They aren’t tricks, it’s magic.” 

“Magic,” Crypto repeated, doubtful.

“Yeah.”

“Which isn’t real.”

“Sure it is.” He could hear the smug grin in Elliott’s voice when he said, “What’s going on between us is magic, baby.”

Over his shoulder, Crypto gave him an exasperated look that had Elliott laughing. “At least  _ you _ think you’re funny.”

“I do,” Elliott said around a yawn. “I really do. Speaking of magic, I’m going to bed.” He bounced his eyebrows up and down once or twice just to see Crypto roll his eyes and he laughed again. “Sorry - I’m being genuine, though, I’m exhausted and sleep sounds  _ magical _ right now.”

The cot creaked again and Crypto felt something press up against the back of his chair in the next moment, Elliott reaching around him to place the deck of cards on his desk. Instead of pulling away once that was done, he slung an arm around Crypto’s chest and he could feel the scrape of Elliott’s beard on the side of his face.

“Wanna come with me?” He asked.

“I thought you wanted to sleep.”

“Wh - I  _ do _ , jeez.” Despite how offended he sounded at the insinuation, his arm was still firm around Crypto in the strange hug he’d locked them in. “You look tired, is all, and my bed is comfier.”

“I’m fine,” Crypto told him - stiffly, to hopefully mask how tempting the offer sounded to him.

“You sure?” Crypto made a noise. “Alright.” Elliott stood and left two soft kisses behind, one on the metallic corner of Crypto’s jaw, and one higher up on his cheek where he could feel the warmth of it. There was shuffling behind him as Elliott gathered the few things he’d carried over from his own dorm. “I won’t say ‘I told you so’ if you pass out tomorrow during the game.”

“You wouldn’t be able to,” Crypto said flatly, throwing one last smirk over his shoulder. “I could outperform you in my sleep, old man.” 

Elliott stopped at the door to glower at him but Crypto looked away before he could catch most of the heat from it. “You’re uninvited to my bed,” Elliott muttered. “For real, though, babe, g’night.”

“ _ Jal ja _ .” 

He heard the door open, but Elliott must have hung back there for a moment because it didn’t shut again. Crypto stopped typing but he didn’t turn around, just waited. Maybe Elliott had forgotten something or didn’t close the door all the way on his way out.

But then he heard Elliott speak. “I - “ He cut himself off and made a frustrated noise punctuated by the sound of shuffling feet. Then, like it was punched out of him, “ _ I love you _ .” 

Immediately, the door slammed shut.

The monitors lit up with a finished report and the screens of moving text kept scrolling, but Crypto stayed very still for a very long time.

\----=----

The mistake, Crypto realized, was letting him and Elliott start in the first place.

At first, after what might have been an hour of staring blankly at his dimmed computer screen with nothing but the ringing silence for company, he’d thought to himself,  _ I shouldn’t have let it get this far _ , but he’d come to understand that that was wrong. He would have had to have a stopping point in mind in the first place to know if he’d let anything get too far. He didn’t have one and that was on purpose, which he was ashamed of. He’d done this to himself, pointedly ignored the ever-present voice in the back of his head telling him that everyone was dangerous, whether they meant to be or not. Don’t get close to anyone, because he can’t afford to.

But it was different in the beginning, he and Elliott, and how was Crypto supposed to know it would end up like that? It had just been a rivalry, then, childish and needlessly competitive, but harmless.

Somewhere along the line, though, it stopped being that. Rivalry shifted into an unsteady friendship, which turned into unsteady flirting, which then lead to Crypto shoving Mirage’s shoulders hard into a wall after a close fight. It had interrupted the praising Mirage had been giving himself for finishing the last of the attacking squad, and Crypto remembered how he didn’t seem too miffed. Mirage had let himself be pressed against wall with one of those dumb, broad grins and pulled Crypto in after him, meeting him halfway in a heated kiss. 

Even then Crypto felt the shame gnawing just under the need in his chest. It was searing and cold all at the same time and Crypto chose to ignore it then. He buried it, or did his best to, and remembered thinking,  _ I deserve this _ . He focused on the man in front of him to avoid the freezing burn of the feeling, tightened his fist in the other’s hair when the fear got too loud, and took what he needed since Mirage had been so willing to give.

And it was still easy, even after that first time. For all of his showboating and the need to be center of attention, Elliott was good at casual. Now, Crypto didn’t know if that was a good thing or if it was bad. Falling into their routine had been so simple he barely noticed they’d made one. Having someone to talk to - or, rather, be talked at, was something Crypto hadn’t realized he was been missing. Then there was the intimacy, the new warm and solid presence in his bed, a body leaning against his side, the sound of surprised laughter at Crypto’s dry remarks, the intense back and forth, the rasp of a beard when Crypto drug them away so he could wipe away a cocky smirk by covering it with one of his own - 

It was _ easy _ . But then Elliott had to go be an idiot and ruin everything by saying, “ _ I love you _ ,” and Crypto just had to make it worse by wanting to say it back.

He wondered what would have happened if Elliott had waited for a response. Would he have gotten one? Would the expectant presence in his doorway have urged him, or would have Crypto just sat there, stock still, and disappointed him? Did Elliott even want him to answer back? The way he’d said it -  _ forced  _ from himself - like it’d been caught in his throat for so long that he had to spit it out to get it to stop hurting. Like he just wanted to get it over with. And then Elliott fled - had he regretted it? Because he miscalculated his own emotions, or because he was scared of how Crypto would react?

He prided himself on having information, and not knowing what to think or what to do, it made Crypto feel  _ young  _ again in the worst way possible. He thought he buried that part of him a long time ago. The man that felt fear, anxiousness, the man that could say  _ I love you _ so freely, he was supposed to be gone. And perhaps that’s where the issue lay. It was all too familiar _ .  _ He had said it so often before and in a different way to a different kind of people -  _ forever family _ .

It was happening all over again. He was setting himself up to lose it all once more.

He didn’t get up from his desk that night. He didn’t go and join Elliott in his bed. Tae Joon Park sat in his room, by himself, and was terrified.

\----=----

Their game the following day doesn’t go horribly, but they don’t win.

Mirage showed up to the drop a little later than Crypto, who only barely made it. He’d approached the lowering platform with a fresh face and a gleaming smile, greeted Lifeline with their usual banter with no hesitation or stuttering, and called out something to Wraith to see if he could maybe poke the bear a bit before they got started. 

When he sidled up next to Crypto, he bumped their shoulders together but didn’t say anything. Didn’t even look at him. It was easy to tell that Mirage was being cautious, that he himself probably didn’t know how to proceed after his minor outburst the night before. Crypto wouldn’t have been surprised if Mirage half-expected him to be missing again, just like all those months ago, after a different outburst. When Mirage had said his name, his  _ real  _ name, and Crypto had been terrified then, too.

He had planned on running that time, ditching Hyeon Kim and Crypto, starting all over again on another planet in another way. Then he came across Elliott before he could escape off the ship. Crypto hadn’t wanted to stop, but the sight of the other did something to his chest, constricted his ribs until they were tight and he couldn’t breathe - he was hurt. It  _ hurt _ . Having to be reminded that nothing was safe, that nothing good was ever going to be left for a man like him, it was a painful thing. But it was a lesson he would have to undergo until it finally stuck. Until he learned.

And if Elliott Witt was going to be a lesson for Crypto, it was going to be  _ only _ his. If what they had was going to be a concoction of  _ their _ making, he was going to take it from them. So, he cornered the other and demanded a name. Elliott Witt was going to stay a lesson; he would remain the person that thawed Crypto enough to find a way close to the center of him. Elliott Witt would be warm, companionable, easy, and unattainable. Fake. The betrayal would have a different title, some other name, and live as the truthful counterpart to something sweet. 

That was what made him weak. He couldn’t cut clean, wanted to keep a part of it. When the other talked, Crypto listened. When he explained himself, Crypto believed him. When he touched him, Crypto let him. The man made Crypto weak.

Tae Joon Park was weak, and he lost everything. 

“Hey.” 

Crypto tore his eyes away from the spot on the floor he’d been staring at since he’d arrived. The eliminated teams had all gathered at the small seating area in the dropship to watch the rest of the finishing match together. Two squads were left and from the jeering and gasps, Crypto imagined it was an interesting finish. He opted to linger on the outskirts, leaning against the partition to his room while he waited for his drone to finish its repairs on its dock.

He hadn’t kept track of where Elliott had gone off to, but judging by the slight dampness to his hair it was clear now he’d left for the showers. Maybe to cool off, but more likely to think, since he took the place next to Crypto and took a breath.

“Hey,” Crypto said back when Elliott held it for a while. 

They weren’t looking at each other.

“Hey,” Elliott said again. “Can we - we should probably... y’know,  _ talk.”  _ The idea seemed to illicit dread in him despite the fact that he was the one who suggested it.

Maybe he should have left. Crypto should have gone through with the attempt the first time, and if not try again last night. Pulled out of the Apex Games and found another way to get inside. Something in him told him that would never had worked, though. It was that weakness, it told him that he could run from everything else, anyone else, but not Elliott. There was an element to him, damning and completely in control without a conscious effort. Crypto never stood a chance.

Like a grim veil, the realization settled over Crypto heavily. He’d never be finished with Elliott unless Elliott was finished with him. 

“Can it wait?” Crypto asked.

Elliott’s careful, neutral facade crumbled for a split second before it smoothed out in understanding. He nodded, looked over the room even though no one was actively interested in them or looking their way. “Oh, yeah. You could meet me at my room tonight - or yours, whatever’s good with me.”

Crypto shook his head. “Not here, it isn’t safe.” To that, Elliott’s brow furrowed worriedly. “I have to,” he hesitated, then cocked his head to the side a little as he tried out, “show you something.”

\----=----

It wasn’t often Crypto went into the city. He had everything he needed up in the dropship’s dorms and he believed the less he frequented the little flat he rented, the less likely  _ they _ were to track him down.

Elliott walked beside him, dressed down in an effort to lower the chances of getting recognized. Crypto didn’t tell him he didn’t have to worry about it; people that lived in this area rarely made eye contact, let alone get a good long look at someone. Besides, it would sound hypocritical coming from him, shadowed and hidden underneath a hood.

The apartment’s entrance was off to the side in an alley, as the front was dedicated to the little chain convenience store it sat above. The stairs creaked underneath them. The third floor apartment must have been hosting a party; music thumped just over the murmuring of too many voices. Vehicles wailed on the street below. But once the door shut behind them, all outside noises muffled into pure quiet.

Crypto ventured inside, deciding to not acknowledge how Elliott obviously looked around at the sparsity of the living space. Over the years, Crypto had learned to pack lightly. What he had he usually collected as he moved around, then left it all behind once he had to. His system was something he could take with him, stored on his drone or his cube. It was just easier to buy new as he had to, implement software, then wipe it clean or leave it damaged and unsalvageable. 

The computer he had set up there was mostly for security. He’d gotten access to the convenience store’s security system within ten minutes of moving in. The cameras’ feed was on constant display and that was just about it. Everything he needed for work was up on the ship with about a thousand different firewalls and remote access no matter where he was as long as he had his drone.

Besides that all collected in the far corner, there wasn’t much else. The windows that faced the street were blacked out, nothing else was on the walls. A tiny futon was pushed off to one side if he ever found himself sleeping there. Even the trunk beside that was mostly for show. Crypto had gotten it just in case the landlord stopped by - the last thing he needed was Mrs. Graves catching sight of a pistol lying around and have her start asking questions. Anything else inside the trunk was there for easier collecting if he ever had to flee.

Crypto stood over the trunk, staring down at the closed lid as if he could see through it. Behind him he could hear Elliott still shuffling where he hung back in the tiny entryway. His nervousness was palpable and had Crypto’s own shoulders drawing up just from the feeling.

Finally, he met Elliott’s eyes. “You know my name.” 

“Which one?” He asked through a mirthless laugh.

“The first one. My real one.” 

“Yeah. You told me not to say it, though.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Elliott’s gaze cut away in confusion only to flicker back in the next second. “Because you - you told me not to? I don’t - “

“Why isn’t it safe for it to be said?” Elliott shrugged helplessly, like it was too loaded of a question for him with too many possible answers. Maybe it was, and maybe this wasn’t fair, but it needed to be done. So, Crypto pressed, “You found the article, what did it say?”

“Not much, it just said you were, like, wanted. For something.”

Elliott was usually a better liar than that. Crypto shook his head but ultimately let it go. He knelt down and Elliott watched as he removed the lock off the trunk, unclasped the latches, and lifted the lid. He wandered over slowly, curious to the contents, but stopped short when he remembered himself. Crypto stood straight with something in his hand and closed the rest of the distance between them, holding the object out for Elliott to see.

He took the frame in his hands gingerly, flipping it over to look down at the picture inside. Recognition flooded Elliott’s features. “Your sister.”

Crypto nodded. “Mila.”

A woman sat in the middle of the picture, older and graced with those kind motherly features. To the right of her, a younger girl with fire red hair spilling out from beneath a beanie and a coy grin. And then a man who had all of Crypto’s sharp edges, just smoothed out by his youth and warmth. For a moment, Crypto tried to imagine what he’d be thinking if he were Elliott, looking at the photo for the first time. Wondered what Elliott saw. What he felt.

“We used to work together,” Crypto said after the silence stretched too long. 

“She was like you?” Elliott asked.

Crypto nodded. “One night, we found something we weren’t supposed to. Something dangerous.” 

“Like what?”

Crypto barely held himself back from the immediate response of  _ I can’t tell you that _ . He had to think about it; this was important. He needed to give enough to get Elliott to understand, but too much was out of the question. Knowledge was power and Crypto’s secrets were a lot to handle. The whole point of this was to protect Elliott.

“Something that controlled a lot of people’s lives. If it got out, it was going to ruin everything.” 

“Vague,” Elliott couldn’t help saying, but he didn’t urge for more. He handed the frame back and Crypto took it from him. “So, what happened? You find the people who made it and tried to turn ‘em in?”

Crypto almost laughed. He didn’t, but it still sat in his mouth bitterly. He couldn’t even  imagine how well that would have gone over for him. “No, that would’ve been stupid. I was going to leave it alone, cover up our tracks and hope they didn’t realize we’d uncovered it. The people who developed this...  _ information,  _ they have a lot of resources.” He paused and stared down at the back of the picture frame, running a thumb over the matte black. Stiffly, he added. “I was afraid of them.”

From the corner of his eye Crypto could see Elliott give a full-bodied twitch, like he wanted to move forward and reach out. “Babe - “

“Mila wanted to do the opposite of both,” he said, interrupting the other. He had to get it out; if Elliott stopped him, he wouldn’t understand. Crypto’s breathing was slow, his voice even, emotions drawn close and stored away somewhere deep where they wouldn’t affect him. Still, just in case, he held the frame with the picture facing down. “She wanted us to use it for ourselves. If it worked out even just once, everything would be different, but the risk wasn’t worth it. I tried to tell her and I thought she understood, but - “ He turned suddenly, moving back over to the trunk on the floor. “Mila wanted our lives to change,” Crypto said, kneeling down once more to return the frame.

The lid closed with a heavy thud and he flipped the latches closed, shutting it away along with everything else. It’s as he’s staring down at it, achingly aware of Elliott’s presence beside him, in an empty apartment that’s leased to a name that isn’t his, that Crypto fully realized his place in everything. That in some sick, morbid way, Mila actually got what she wanted. Things were never going to be the same.

“It only took them a night,” he stated flatly. “I woke up to sirens, and she was gone. And I was a wanted man.”

“They framed you for it,” Elliott said.

“They framed me for _ everything _ .”

Elliott was quiet for a long time. His expression shifted around, like he wanted to ask a question, obviously putting together and processing the new information. “I guess,” he began slowly, “I can see where this could make sense. And I’m trying to find an ell-lello - elque - y’know, like, a polite way of asking, uh,  _ why _ you’re telling me this? Not that I don’t appreciate it, because that was  _ a lot _ .” 

“Because I owe it to you,” Crypto replied. “You deserve an explanation.”

“Okay. For what?”

“You need to stay away from me.”

It seemed like Elliott didn’t understand him at first, probably due to the casual and blunt delivery of the statement. First he blinked, narrowing his eyes, then settled on a brittle laugh when Crypto continued to not follow up with anything.

“You can’t - you can’t be serious.” Elliott scoffed at the stretching silence and shook his head. “Okay, okay,  _ no _ , I don’t get it. How does  _ that _ equal us having to break up?”

He faced away from the other so Elliott couldn’t see the minor, subtle flinch. They’d never talked about what they were to each other. Besides insufferable pet names and horribly creative nicknames, Elliott hadn’t called him much of anything. Not his partner, not his boyfriend. Even in recent interviews, he’s commented on how he doesn’t feel comfortable settling down or sticking to one person. The phrase “break up” contradicted that, though, didn’t it? Implied something a lot more? Obviously they kept themselves secret, but he still got the feeling that maybe the progression of...  _ them _ caught Elliott off guard as well.

“My mother lost her kids. My sister lost her life.  _ I  _ lost everything. You’ve lost too much already. I won’t be the reason you lose more.”

“That’s  _ stupid.”  _

Crypto whipped around to eye the other incredulously.

“Sorry,” Elliott amended immediately. “Not stupid - well, no, it is stupid. If that’s your whole reason, then I think it’s stupid,” he said firmly. “That stuff wasn’t your fault, you know that, right?”

He didn’t answer. He knew how to, but it wasn’t what Elliott would be looking for. In each and every case there had been a pattern, a common factor, and it’d been Crypto. 

“You’re smart, and you can do just about anything, but you can’t  _ control _ people,” Elliott went on, catching on to the other’s disbelief. “If your sister was anything like you, nothing was going to stop her from doing what she thought she needed to do. What happened after that isn’t her fault, and it sure as hell isn’t yours. It’s theirs, no one else’s.” His shoulders dropped a little as he let out a breath, his helpless frustration melting away until only the helplessness was left. “You’re not some harbinger of doom, you’re just - you’re just a guy that bad shit happened to. And I know - I know it’s probably really hard to believe that good stuff can still happen, because it doesn’t for a really long time. And when it finally does, you kinda just sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop. I-I get that, but I don’t think being afraid is a good enough reason to just give up on this.”

“It has to be,” Crypto said, voice strained despite his efforts. “It has to be good enough.”

“It isn’t,” Elliott told him. “I love you.”

Crypto physically pulled away, putting more distance between them as if it would help. This wasn’t going as well as he’d hoped. He thought the threat of inevitable death would have been enough, but apparently he should have taken Elliott’s stubbornness into account, his recklessness. He’d never had to before; Elliott had always been a people pleaser. Sure, he’d get passive aggressive when things didn’t go his way but he never outwardly spoke out. Maybe it was the fear of being wrong, or just the security of being able to safely say “ _ I told you so” _ should something fail. 

Elliott didn’t seem to have that fear now. 

“Don’t make that face,” he said to Crypto, refusing to give up any ground and matching the other for every step he took. “When you tell someone you love them and they make that face, it means something bad.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Crypto said, trying to fill the cracks in the words with a scathing, bitter tone. It didn’t work.

“I’m not.” Elliott reached out to grab his wrist, moving Crypto’s sleeve out of the way so he could press his thumb right over the pulse thumping under warm skin. “I’m not, and you don’t have to say it back, but if you - if you don’t - if this isn’t right, if this is something you don’t want, then say so.”

All Crypto could manage was one more, “You’re such an  _ idiot _ .” 

He’s tugged forward gently and he allowed himself to be enveloped in a tight embrace, one that Elliott buried himself in. Crypto was slower, but he eventually melted into it on his own, still a little stiff and unused to the gesture. He felt the fabric of his hoodie stretch across his back as Elliott gathered it into his fists in order to pull Crypto closer into him. 

This wasn’t fair. In a way, Crypto felt like he failed. Like he hadn’t learned anything after all, doomed to repeat it until he was the one who ended up dead. And what a monster he was, to take people down with him - innocent people who were just kind enough to help him, to care about him.

But in the same breath the thought came, Tae Joon leaned into the hug. He pressed his nose into the crook of Elliott’s neck and took what was being given to him. He  _ deserved  _ this.

“Y’know,” Elliott began wetly, muffled as he refused to pull away even the slightest bit. “When someone invites me to their apartment, it usually goes in a different direction.” 

Between the sleepless night and the emotionally draining evening, Crypto wasn’t too surprised he huffed a reluctant laugh into the other’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry I kinda created this shit show for us,” Elliott said. He moved his head so he could be heard more clearly, speaking lowly just below Crypto’s ear. “I’m not really the  _ romantic _ type, despite popular belief. Like, I flirt, but I never know what to do when that actually pans out for me. So I figured, if I’m feeling it, just say it - one life to live, so live it, and all that. But I didn’t really think about the delivery, or how you’d react to it. So I bailed.”

“It’s fine,” he replied, meaning it. 

“Is it?” 

Crypto turned his face toward Elliott’s and kissed him. Slow and purposefully, making sure he could taste the truth. “I love you,” Crypto said, meaning that, too.

Elliott’s smile was infectious. Resting his forehead against the other’s, Crypto just took it in. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes, the scrunch of his nose, the tip of his tongue caught between teeth, the warmth in his face. Crypto wanted to be terrified, wanted to be able to make the better - albeit harder - decision. But that was impossible, as long as there was Elliott Witt and the smile he saved for Tae Joon.

“We’re going to get each other killed,” he stated, mostly serious.

Elliott snorted. “Yeah, whatever. I love you.”

“ _ Saranghae, _ ” he said back, and yeah. Whatever. 

If Elliott Witt was going to be his weakness, it was best to keep him close, where no one could use it against him. 

**Author's Note:**

> "jal ja" i believe is a way to say goodnight   
"saranghae" is i love you   
HOPEFULLY, i'm a fucking idiot 
> 
> so yeah anyway, my bad lmao 
> 
> ask to tag, comment about mistakes


End file.
